I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
