Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
