maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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