Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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