If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
