I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
