That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
