i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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