Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
