we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
