I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
