Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
