I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you would pick up someone in the library
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
