Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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