He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
