and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
