thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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