You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
