So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
