im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
