The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
