I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
