He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
