guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it's like iHOP with fire
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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