ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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