Farmville is her only friend.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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