And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
