my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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