At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
