we're chasing vodka with high fives
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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