I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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