***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
