Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
