i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
