when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
