8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
