I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
