I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
