you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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