I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
