PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
