I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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