dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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