i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
