i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
