I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
