Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
