I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
