hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
