Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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