If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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