Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
